You and Your Marriage: How Is Your Relationship?

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Don't duke it out. Instead, consider taking a time-out. And when we think we are losing, we fight like there is no tomorrow to try to win," Anderson says.

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If either person thinks he or she is losing, he or she will ratchet up the stakes and escalate the issue," she continues. The next time you see a spousal spat going to a not-so-happy place , take a break and revisit the subject when neither one of you feels overwhelmed by the topic.

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  • By "do it" we mean have sex. Intimacy is an important part of a romantic relationship, and one of the first areas to suffer if feelings are floundering. But sex can also be one of the quickest ways to reconnect and rekindle with your partner.

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    • It's time to set some bad memories on fire. Sometimes hanging on to those "Do you remember the time you did such and such? Instead of carrying grudges around forever, torch them.

      Then set a timer for a certain amount of time. It might be 10 minutes. It might be It might be the whole day. The point is: Give yourself as long as you need to really wallow in the misery of these grudges. Savor them. Get angry about them. Mutter about them. Do whatever you need to do to get sick and tired of them," says Bowman. These grudges have lost their usefulness. Overconfidence can lead to complacency, which is not good for any relationship.

      According to Anderson, in a survey published in the Law and Human Behavior , couples who had recently applied for a marriage license were asked to estimate the average rate of divorce. Almost uniformly, they accurately predicted about 50 percent. Then they were asked to estimate the chances that they would get divorced. They answered zero percent. The problem with this statistic is that, if there is no perceived risk of failure, no "work" is put into maintaining the relationship — until it's suddenly faltering. Don't let yourself gloss over the little things. Don't forget to make an effort to keep your romance alive.

      Don't find yourself in a situation where you realize that you could have done more… when it's already too late. This one isn't as macabre as it sounds. It's more of an exercise in appreciation. Bowman suggests that you work on it a little at a time as a way to notice what your spouse does right since these are the things you'd likely eulogize them with, not the negatives. When did he make you laugh? When did he make you cry tears of joy? When did he surprise you? When did he feed the cat because the smell of cat food makes you want to hurl?

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      Put it in the eulogy," Bowman says. Many people stay in troubled marriages because they believe they have no other choice. But if you are stuck, it's your fault and not your spouse's," Bowman says. That fact is, "You are not stuck; you have choices. Three of them: Do nothing and remain miserable; face your fears and try to save your marriage; ask for a divorce.

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      Make a choice. And wake up every morning and make that choice again.

      1. You're not setting good boundaries between your relationships and your work.

      The surest path to happiness is knowing that you are not a helpless damsel in distress, but rather a woman who can make her own decisions. You have the choice to live happily ever after. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. That may be why Americans who divorce do so, on average, 8.

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      A solid relationship, like a solid business, needs constant attention to stay that way. That's why people who assume they can leave their marriage on autopilot often wind up regretting it. Instead, Capland recommends checking in regularly with your spouse or partner to discuss how things are going.

      And then one or two things that didn't go well--not more, so you're not overwhelming the other person. And end with one or two things we could do differently this coming week.

      Can microdating save your marriage?

      That's right--Capland thinks checking in weekly is a good idea, at least at first. After all, you probably have a weekly status or check-in meeting with your team at work. Does your marriage deserve less attention? For example, spending time with their grown children is highly important to Capland, so she put a picture family vacation on the vision board.

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      Her husband wanted their finances to be more secure so he added an image reflecting financial stability. What if you don't want to have goals for your relationship--you just want to keep going along as you are? That could be a sign of trouble. After all, you have goals for your business and your team, and for your own career. Those goals give you a way to focus your attention and your efforts, and to look beyond the hustle and bustle of the day. Do that for too long, and you could wind up with one but not the other. You're not setting good boundaries between your relationships and your work.

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