Keeping Love Alive

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This means that a conservative estimate of the divorce and permanent separation rate is 60 percent. Add the additional 7 percent of chronically unhappy couples who do not divorce or permanently separate but are consistently unhappy in their marriage, and this means that two-thirds of all married couples do not live happily ever after.

Robert Greene , author of The Art of Seduction , explains that surprise is key to romantic feelings:. Hold on a sec. We can learn something here. And stay that way. Via The Art of Choosing :. The couples who had married for love and been together less than a year averaged a score of 70 points out of a possible 91 on the love scale, but these numbers steadily fell over time. The love couples who had been married ten years or longer had an average score of only 40 points.

Keeping Love Alive as Memories Fade - The 5 Love Languages®

In contrast, the couples in arranged marriages were less in love at the outset, averaging 58 points, but their feelings increased over time to an average score of 68 at the ten or more years mark. They have to spend a lot of time thinking about how to make it work. Via Love Illuminated :. That process of discovery is ostensibly the fun of courtship, too, except that in arranged marriage the goal is to figure out how to be married, not whether to marry.

Via Simple Secrets of Great Relationships :. Those people were more likely to have experienced disillusionment, devastation, and angst in their relationships than were those who gave less credence to fairy tales. Most marital arguments cannot be resolved.

The Science Of 'Happily Ever After': 3 Things That Keep Love Alive

This is because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage. The best relationships are more about increasing the good than reducing the bad. Divorce may have less to do with an increase in conflict and more to do with a decrease in positive feelings.

Shelly Gable, professor of psychology at the University of California at Santa Barbara, has demonstrated that how you celebrate is more predictive of strong relations than how you fight. One way is to go out on a date. Staying home for a date can be fun, too. You can have a romantic dinner by candlelight.

Keeping Love Alive: An Introduction to the Extraordinary Love Program

Consider making "date night" a regular feature of your relationship. Taking one every year is not too much. We know lots of people including ourselves who have made a tradition of this practice. Here are a few more ideas you might want to consider.


Taking time to honor the intimacy component of your partnership can become habit-forming. Try some of these and add your own creative touches to the process of keeping romance alive. Taking time out of our busy lives to make sure that the intimate aspects of our relationship is thriving works wonders for the partnership and our lives a whole.

Trying something new can promote more thrills and excitement than anxiety if we are mindful about the ways in which we approach change.

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And we receive the added benefit of all those health-enhancing hormones running through our body that promote happiness and well being. Follow us on Facebook!

Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Then, enjoy. Some delightful ways of spending an evening together don't cost anything. Going into the tub with each other, with candlelight of course, followed by more candlelight in the bedroom, is always a sure way to enhance the spirit of romance. You can bathe each other and wash each other's hair. You could shave his face and he could shave your legs or vice versa —just kidding!

Agree beforehand to feed each other every forkful of an entire meal.

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We know of a number of couples that have done this in restaurants, often to the surprise of other diners. Sit across the corner of the table so you can be close to each other. Feeding each other slows down the rate at which you eat. This is also a good way to lose weight, since generally, the slower we eat, the less we consume. Spend time being connected through your eyes only, without the need to exchange words.

After dinner you can listen to music together, and might even want to dance. Another big advantage of dancing in your own home is that you can take your clothes off. Massage is another great way to keep romance alive. Just take the cooking oil down from the kitchen shelf and lay down a towel on the bed or floor.

Reading love poems to each other brings sweetness. If you enjoy the exotic, consider poetry from Rumi, Hafiz, or Kabir. Love notes stuck in books, under plates and pillows, and in the underwear drawer are sure to draw smiles of appreciation.

10 Ways to Keep Love Alive

It needs to be sincere, intimate, and full of feeling from the heart. These emotional interchanges are the main meal. Help us tell more of the stories that matter from voices that too often remain unheard. Join HuffPost Plus.