The Bondage Room 2: An Erotic BDSM Fantasy

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Our BDSM rooms in Salinas, CA currently offer two luxurious queen-size beds, located in the formal dungeon and the upstairs living area. The upstairs area offers a large sitting area, kitchenette no stove and an outdoor smoking deck with a grill. This area is furnished with regular furniture, as well as an assortment of bondage furniture, including a large inescapable metal cage, leather swing, sturdy wooden cross and formal massage table.

8 BDSM Sex Tips to Try If You're a Total Beginner

Instead, enjoying BDSM is just one facet of someone's sexuality and lifestyle. The biggest myth is that you need this special set of circumstances. It's regular people who have a need for that to be their intimate dynamic.


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For instance, you might think that because you enjoyed being submissive under certain circumstances, that means you must agree to a whole host of submissive or masochistic behaviors that you're not necessarily into. But that's absolutely wrong.

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You can — and should — pick and choose which BDSM activities you are and are not interested in, says Thorn. And that can vary depending on the situation, the partner, or even the day. Just remember that consent is a requirement in BDSM , and it's possible to consent to one thing while still objecting to another. A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that people who had engaged in BDSM in the past year were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity and were no more likely to be unhappy or anxious than those who didn't do BDSM.

And actually, men who engaged in BDSM had lower scores of psychological distress than other men. The term "vanilla" isn't meant to be derogatory, just to refer to non-BDSM sexual acts or people who aren't interested in kink. If you ever find yourself at a BDSM meet-up or dungeon, don't mention any shade of grey. While some people appreciate that the books spurred more interest in kink and may have made it less stigmatized, others take issue with the abusive, unhealthy relationship it portrays and the seriously unrealistic scenes.

All in all, it is not an accurate representation of the BDSM community. Again, since it isn't always about intercourse, you wouldn't necessarily say that you "had sex" or "hooked up" with someone after a BDSM experience.

Instead, these are called scenes like, you scened with someone or you had a scene. So you've probably heard about dominants and submissives if not, the dominant enjoys being in charge, while the submissive enjoys receiving orders.

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But BDSMers may also use the terms "tops" and "bottoms" to describe themselves. A top could refer to a dominant or a sadist someone who enjoys inflicting pain , while a bottom could refer to a submissive or a masochist someone who enjoys receiving pain. This allows you to have a blanket term for those who generally like being on either the giving or receiving end in a BDSM encounter. And there's no rule that says you can't be both dominant and submissive in different circumstances or with different partners.

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Maybe the thought of being tied up excites you, or you enjoy spanking or being spanked. Or maybe you're more interested in leather masks and nipple clamps and hot wax. All of that and obviously a lot more is within the realm of BDSM. Basically, you can still be into kink without actually ever going to a dungeon.

Using a blindfold or an ice cube or fuzzy handcuffs you got at a bachelorette party are all relatively harmless beginner behaviors if you're into them. But before you play around with some of the trickier tools, you need to learn how to do so safely. Even a rope or a whip can be dangerous if you don't know what you're doing. Embarking upon a new sexual adventure makes talking about what's going on more important than ever.

It might also be a smart idea to come up with a safe word, which is a word or phrase either of you can say when you need a time out from the intensity.

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Or in pornography, or any other staged bondage depictions you may come across. Instead, take it slowly and don't think you have to experience pain or intense anxiety for it to qualify as bondage. They may sound interchangeable, but they're two distinct things. Being tied up means having a body part restricted, like having your wrists tied together, says O'Reilly.

On the other hand, you're tied down when you're attached to something else, like a chair. Very good to know the difference when you and your partner are talking about your sex fantasies! While keeping an open mind during sex can definitely be a good thing, trying too many things at once is an easy way to become overwhelmed. That's why O'Reilly suggests experimenting by restraining only one part of your body at a time rather than going for the whole shebang.

A huge box of materials isn't required to figure out whether you like bondage. O'Reilly suggests neckties, scarves, and stockings as a good starting point. Not only will you potentially save money if bondage isn't your thing, you'll also know your way around them much better than you would a new toy. If you're more intrigued after using household supplies to hold each other down, think about making bondage tape or ribbon your first bondage-specific purchase.

It sticks to itself with an electrostatic cling," says O'Reilly. Once you feel comfortable, you can graduate to more intense bondage toys like handcuffs. And if you're obsessed with the idea of being tied to your bed but lack the all-important headboard, there's hope for you yet! O'Reilly recommends buying an under-the-bed restraint system that connects to your mattress instead. Using household items is especially good for this aspect.

Since you know them more intimately than you do with brand-new toys, you can make sure you're both comfortable when you use them.



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